http://womenfly.com/khxc/ccp0-display/splash.html
I totally want to pilot an airplane now.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
More characters in SF...
I have heard good things about what Portland has been doing for their homeless population. http://www.portlandonline.com/BHCD/index.cfm?c=30140
The weird thing is that I have not thought much about the homeless lately. I usually give this issue deep thoughts once a day when I pass them going to or leaving work. Now that I am settled into my daily routine, it feels like I have not seen many homeless. But that is not actually so. I saw 3 this afternoon just walking down the block to catch my bus. It is like I am getting numb to it. Which is kind of scary and kind of comforting because it makes my day easier. And that is scary too.
Today I saw a dark skinned woman who was sitting with her legs stretched out across the sidewalk. When I first noticed her, I thought it must be some eccentric tourist person because she had a really trim short haircut and was wearing bright colors. Then I got closer and saw how skinny she was. I noticed her cheekbones almost right after I noticed her. Then I walked passed and smelled some really strong human body odor that seemed to follow me.
Barely 15 ft further down the same sidewalk was a pale girl who was wearing a cream dress that had the lace like a tutu. She was sitting very straight on her knees and asking for spare change. She didn't seem to be talking to the people passing by, it was more of an announcement. Can you spare change?
I rounded the corner to see a white guy with the tips of his gloves cut off, holding a cardboard sign. I didn't read what it said. he was sitting next to the entrance to the mall.
On the next corner was an old bearded black man holding a cup swirling his change around. He was saying, can you help me out?
I think i get why this numbness has started to set in. It is emotionally draining not to be numb when I walk one block to the bus stop.
-------------
So on the upside they have started to treat the clerks pretty well. We lobbied to get included in the legal team meetings and finally won. (so ridiculous that we were excluded btw)
I get to drink the soda in the fridge at work for free. I had 3 free diet cokes today :)
I also got some hellishly big research task that the attorney wanted 2 seconds ago, and I am silly enough to feel bad that I didn't get it done.
The weird thing is that I have not thought much about the homeless lately. I usually give this issue deep thoughts once a day when I pass them going to or leaving work. Now that I am settled into my daily routine, it feels like I have not seen many homeless. But that is not actually so. I saw 3 this afternoon just walking down the block to catch my bus. It is like I am getting numb to it. Which is kind of scary and kind of comforting because it makes my day easier. And that is scary too.
Today I saw a dark skinned woman who was sitting with her legs stretched out across the sidewalk. When I first noticed her, I thought it must be some eccentric tourist person because she had a really trim short haircut and was wearing bright colors. Then I got closer and saw how skinny she was. I noticed her cheekbones almost right after I noticed her. Then I walked passed and smelled some really strong human body odor that seemed to follow me.
Barely 15 ft further down the same sidewalk was a pale girl who was wearing a cream dress that had the lace like a tutu. She was sitting very straight on her knees and asking for spare change. She didn't seem to be talking to the people passing by, it was more of an announcement. Can you spare change?
I rounded the corner to see a white guy with the tips of his gloves cut off, holding a cardboard sign. I didn't read what it said. he was sitting next to the entrance to the mall.
On the next corner was an old bearded black man holding a cup swirling his change around. He was saying, can you help me out?
I think i get why this numbness has started to set in. It is emotionally draining not to be numb when I walk one block to the bus stop.
-------------
So on the upside they have started to treat the clerks pretty well. We lobbied to get included in the legal team meetings and finally won. (so ridiculous that we were excluded btw)
I get to drink the soda in the fridge at work for free. I had 3 free diet cokes today :)
I also got some hellishly big research task that the attorney wanted 2 seconds ago, and I am silly enough to feel bad that I didn't get it done.
Monday, June 16, 2008
This Summer in San Fran...
Has been pretty amazing actually. I am loving being able to live with my amazing girlfriend.
The job is ok. I do get to do interesting work and i definitely feel as though my work has purpose. The downside is that the clerks really aren't treated as equals. There is a pervasive attitude in the office that the clerks are only going to be there for a summer, so why bother getting invested? This coming from an office in which half of the staff were former clerks. It is pretty ridiculous. Other than that it is totally awesome. I get to drink lots of free sodas and I get all kinds of free food all the time. i love free stuff.
Another downside that I just thought of... the homeless. They are everywhere. And I'm not saying let's put 'em in a van and ship them to D.C. like Atlanta did. I'm saying, there are programs to help these people in other cities that actually work. Why doesn't SF do what the other cities do?
more later...
The job is ok. I do get to do interesting work and i definitely feel as though my work has purpose. The downside is that the clerks really aren't treated as equals. There is a pervasive attitude in the office that the clerks are only going to be there for a summer, so why bother getting invested? This coming from an office in which half of the staff were former clerks. It is pretty ridiculous. Other than that it is totally awesome. I get to drink lots of free sodas and I get all kinds of free food all the time. i love free stuff.
Another downside that I just thought of... the homeless. They are everywhere. And I'm not saying let's put 'em in a van and ship them to D.C. like Atlanta did. I'm saying, there are programs to help these people in other cities that actually work. Why doesn't SF do what the other cities do?
more later...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
"I thought you were needy"
That's a quote by Sandra Bullock from the movie Two Weeks Notice. In the scene she throws 2 quarters into a disheveled, dirty guy's coffee cup and coffee splashes out. The guy says "Hey, what the hell!" or something like that. She says "I'm sorry sir, I thought you were needy."
That is exactly what happened to me today. Well, not exactly. I was driving along and I saw this beat up looking dog. I've seen him before. He was sniffing around on the ground. I thought poor dog he is looking for food. This was in the suburbs, mind you. So I say, I'm going to get him food, I don't have anywhere to be. I run to CVS buy some dog food and paper plates and drive back. Miraculously, he is still in the same spot. So I poor food on the plate and I start walking over to him. Suddenly I think, oh wow. Maybe he belongs to this person and he is in an electric invisible fence. But then he gets closer and barks. So I decide, I might as well give him the food. I wlk to the edge of the yard and drop the plate. Then I walk back to my car. I turn around to see if he took the food. He sniffed it and then walked off, obviously he wasn't hungry. This lady has walked out of the house and is staring at me. I get in my car and drive off.
Sorry dog, I thought you were needy.
That is exactly what happened to me today. Well, not exactly. I was driving along and I saw this beat up looking dog. I've seen him before. He was sniffing around on the ground. I thought poor dog he is looking for food. This was in the suburbs, mind you. So I say, I'm going to get him food, I don't have anywhere to be. I run to CVS buy some dog food and paper plates and drive back. Miraculously, he is still in the same spot. So I poor food on the plate and I start walking over to him. Suddenly I think, oh wow. Maybe he belongs to this person and he is in an electric invisible fence. But then he gets closer and barks. So I decide, I might as well give him the food. I wlk to the edge of the yard and drop the plate. Then I walk back to my car. I turn around to see if he took the food. He sniffed it and then walked off, obviously he wasn't hungry. This lady has walked out of the house and is staring at me. I get in my car and drive off.
Sorry dog, I thought you were needy.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I'll try that one again...
I have been replaying a memory in my mind lately of a dinner party I had during my first semester of law school.
I brought a book of questions, in case things got dull. Of course, we ended up sitting in a circle asking each other questions. I got this question, I can't even remember who asked it, but it was something like "When do you feel the best about yourself?" And, my answer was... After creating something, like a painting or a story I've written. There is nothing like the supreme satisfaction of knowing that you did that. You created that. It is in the world now, for others to see. It isn't an idea, hope, or fleeting thought. If people want to reference it, they have to reference me. I don't care if it's good, as long as I feel like it is good. It is good for me. And that's awesome.
Freud said that people are only motivated by sexual gratification and to feel important. I've never felt so important as I felt after I finished a chapter of a book that has yet to be finished. It isn't so much importance, as a feeling of greatness. When that feeling comes over me, the feeling of greatness, it is totally sublime. No one can bring me down with all of their mess.
So the problem with this place I am at right now... is that I can't create. I have no time or energy or emotional umph. I feel dejected before I can even think that I might like to do something like blog.
Sure I make things during the day. But how can I feel great after writing a memo, that I had to use the exact legal wording and exact format and do it at the exact time in the exact cubicle... you get the point. Where am I in this?
That's why I hate law school right now... because I am not great.
I brought a book of questions, in case things got dull. Of course, we ended up sitting in a circle asking each other questions. I got this question, I can't even remember who asked it, but it was something like "When do you feel the best about yourself?" And, my answer was... After creating something, like a painting or a story I've written. There is nothing like the supreme satisfaction of knowing that you did that. You created that. It is in the world now, for others to see. It isn't an idea, hope, or fleeting thought. If people want to reference it, they have to reference me. I don't care if it's good, as long as I feel like it is good. It is good for me. And that's awesome.
Freud said that people are only motivated by sexual gratification and to feel important. I've never felt so important as I felt after I finished a chapter of a book that has yet to be finished. It isn't so much importance, as a feeling of greatness. When that feeling comes over me, the feeling of greatness, it is totally sublime. No one can bring me down with all of their mess.
So the problem with this place I am at right now... is that I can't create. I have no time or energy or emotional umph. I feel dejected before I can even think that I might like to do something like blog.
Sure I make things during the day. But how can I feel great after writing a memo, that I had to use the exact legal wording and exact format and do it at the exact time in the exact cubicle... you get the point. Where am I in this?
That's why I hate law school right now... because I am not great.
Constant Stress
So you know how I know that I'm stressed? Because everything falls apart at the same fucking time. I hate cursing, but lately I've enjoyed hearing others do it. And it just seems like they are getting a great satisfaction, but it probably isn't as satisfying... anyways, I digress.
So my fucking contacts are going blurry randomly. Yes, I leave my contacts in too long. Just like I have left them in too long for the past 11 fucking years. And just now, I was driving home and realized I had one eye half closed. I get home and rinse the lens and put it back in. Success! One hour later... I can barely see out of that eye. WTF?!
Guess what else! No. But my wrist hurts. Like a lot. What? WTF?! My gf is coming to visit on friday. I need my arms and hands and wrists and face and ... well you get it. I need all that stuff to be working properly.
So I blew my nose and the snot was not clear. (Sorry mucus haters) But you know what that means. It means I must have a cold coming on. And I was standing up the other day, and an old hip injury HURT so bad. When I say old, I mean it hasn't hurt since 2002... that's like 6 fucking years old.
My mom says stress is cumulative. That's why my grandpa could go fight in WWII and Korea and then in his last few years he couldn't stand the slightest disruption. I think that she must partly be right because I am falling apart. Of course, she is partly wrong because old people are cranky, even if they have lived sheltered, unstressful lives.
Well... I will go fix my eye again.
Fucking hell
So my fucking contacts are going blurry randomly. Yes, I leave my contacts in too long. Just like I have left them in too long for the past 11 fucking years. And just now, I was driving home and realized I had one eye half closed. I get home and rinse the lens and put it back in. Success! One hour later... I can barely see out of that eye. WTF?!
Guess what else! No. But my wrist hurts. Like a lot. What? WTF?! My gf is coming to visit on friday. I need my arms and hands and wrists and face and ... well you get it. I need all that stuff to be working properly.
So I blew my nose and the snot was not clear. (Sorry mucus haters) But you know what that means. It means I must have a cold coming on. And I was standing up the other day, and an old hip injury HURT so bad. When I say old, I mean it hasn't hurt since 2002... that's like 6 fucking years old.
My mom says stress is cumulative. That's why my grandpa could go fight in WWII and Korea and then in his last few years he couldn't stand the slightest disruption. I think that she must partly be right because I am falling apart. Of course, she is partly wrong because old people are cranky, even if they have lived sheltered, unstressful lives.
Well... I will go fix my eye again.
Fucking hell
Monday, January 21, 2008
Ef this Effing School!
My law school, which will not be named, sucks! I hate it! I hate the administration, the faculty, the students... effing everyone there (with the exception of maybe 4 or 5 people).
For Ef's sake! They told me that I can't have my summer stipend money because I don't meet the effing GPA requirement! Ef that! This is such BS. I hate them. I am so mad, especially because I relied on that money to get my summer job. No one communicated that anything had changed. and they changed the Gpa shit.
i also can't be a visiting student elsewhere unless i am going to take care of dying family members.
fuck
For Ef's sake! They told me that I can't have my summer stipend money because I don't meet the effing GPA requirement! Ef that! This is such BS. I hate them. I am so mad, especially because I relied on that money to get my summer job. No one communicated that anything had changed. and they changed the Gpa shit.
i also can't be a visiting student elsewhere unless i am going to take care of dying family members.
fuck
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