Today I completely ran out of cigarettes. I have been limiting myself to 3 a day and I have done a pretty good job. Today was the 3rd day. Before that i was traveling, so that didn't count. I ran out and I haven't bought more. I am chewing the gum though, so I am not totally going cold turkey.
Everyone is telling me that it isn't a good idea because of exams. Well if not exams, it would be something else. Now is as good a time as any. If I fail then I do, and that's ok. It usually takes smokers, on average, 11 tries before they finally stay quit. I am on number 6. This will be the one. This is my year. I'm 27 and not getting any younger.
Speaking of... I haven't been for a check-up with the dentist in over 4 years. Last year, one of my wisom teeth was infected and so I had an emergency extraction which cost me $200 at the VA. My healthcare is free because I am a veteran, but the dentist isn't. I am thinking about this mainly because I bit into my soft peanut butter and jelly sandwich and felt a pain in my bottom right tooth. The tooth just above it is having problems as well. A filling fell out about 3 months ago, so now I just have a hole there. I was thinking of my reasons for quitting smoking, and I thought I should also be trying to take care of my teeth if i am so concerned for my health.
Pan to me looking online for discount dental plans. All of the plans require you to pay about one hundred and thirty bucks up front. The good news is, with my teeth the way they are, I would probably make that money back in savings rather quickly. But I don't have the money to pay up front right now. I don't have any. I arranged my coins so that i have laundry money and soda at school money. I'm waiting for a check from my mom. My mom is the best. I would have had to quit school by now if it weren't for her.
I also am sneezing all the time. I should really see an allergist and figure out what I am allergic to.
Also, I haven't seen an obgyn in 2 years. I should really make an appointment. I probably have a tumor.
What the hell? I think all this stress from exams is making me a hypochondriac. On the way home from school i was thinking that i need to go on different medicine because if i ever decide to have kids i won't be able to breastfeed with the current medicine. Seriously, I am ruminating on all this crap because of stress from exams. Which is really annoying because I should just focus on things that I can control and actually do something about.
Ugh
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Head over feet...
I love amazing girl. That's what I'm calling her, because she is amazing. I just can't get enough of everything about her.
We had a 13 hour phone conversation one saturday. 13 Hours! I can't believe I just had to leave her a while ago and come back to NY.
This part sucks.
We had a 13 hour phone conversation one saturday. 13 Hours! I can't believe I just had to leave her a while ago and come back to NY.
This part sucks.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Shame, Shame, know my name...
As a friend so eloquently reminded me... I am a big lier because I said I would blog, and I haven't blogged.
So here I am, getting back on the horse. I know exactly how it happened that I became this lier, non-blogger. I can explain it to you all so you can be sure that it doesn't happen to you...
It is very similar situation to a long distance relationship (LDR) going south. (as those of you who know me can attest, this is an area I know something about)
First, in the LDR, things are great on the communication front. The phone call is all you have, so you start to tell each other every little thing that happens in each others' day. Much like the beginning of the blog, it is so new that any little thing that pops into your head has to be communicated, for instance, love for lime jello. http://franklinkeller.blogspot.com/2007/05/procrastinating-or-relaxing.html
Next, the little daily routines start to seem too boring and so therefore not worth mentioning and wasting minutes. You no longer want to get on the phone with your long distance girlfriend (or boyfriend) and talk about how you went to the store today and bought, milk, eggs, and fabric softener. This is exactly how the blog starts to die. You begin to think that the little things you think about blogging about aren't quite as brilliant as your previously brilliant posts and so they are boring and not worth mentioning. These are all huge mistakes because the little things are what makes the world go 'round.
Intimacy, in a LDR, is made up of the little things about your day that you communicate to one another. If you were in the same city, in front of each other, you would say "hey i went to the store and got some stuff - it was really crowded and this lady held up the line by buying 5 cartons of unfiltered Pall Malls." But this little story somehow escapes you as unimportant in an LDR. You start to think of the phone calls as the lifeline of the relationship and therefore the calls should be intense connected and professing all sorts of love. Which is exactly the wrong way to think about it, much like writing the blog, when it is wrong to sit down and think about having to write something brilliant. That is a surefire way to get writer's block - or in the case of an LDR - intimacy block.
Eventually you come to this place where you dread the call. You answer the phone and barely can muster the excitement for a simple "hey". You are stuck now, on the call from hell, that goes something like this...
Me: "how was your day?"
Ex-LDR: "fine. How was your day?"
Me: "fine."
:::7 minutes of silence passes::::::
Me: "so what are you doing tonight?"
Ex-LDR: "nothing."
Me: "got anything planned for tomorrow?"
Ex-LDR: "work, same as any other day."
::::::3 more minutes of silence pass::::::::::
Ex-LDR: "did you study?"
Me: "no. not yet."
Ex-LRD: "ok. i will let you go do that then. talk to you later."
Me: "talk to you later."
:::::::fade out::::::::::::::
If you are wondering about the analogy to the blog... it goes something like this...
"i know i haven't written on this blog in awhile, I have lots to say i think. I will write more later when I have time." Then no posts appear for 2 months.
So now that I know what the problem is... I am going to just start writing down every little thing that pops into my mind. I've got to keep the intimacy alive. Another reason for this lesson in "how the blog goes bad" is that I am now in a new relationship. An LDR. Again. Yes, I know. Really. Further away than the last one. I don't want to hear any more flack from anyone. She is so amazing! Completely amazing. I have never clicked with anyone so much in my life.
I mention the LDR because I find myself wanting to creep into the old answers to the question "what are you doing?" Yesterday, I said "nothing." AHHH! no. I can't let that happen. The truth is never "nothing." The correct answer to "what are you doing?" is "I am procrastinating from doing anything resembling schoolwork by watching reruns online of many tv shows. many many tv shows. I also ate 5 slices of pizza, drank 2 liters of diet coke, and played with my cats by running back and forth down my hallway with a q-tip tied to 3 feet of dental floss."
So this is my mantra... it's all about the little stuff. seriously. it's tough. it may sound easy to you amateurs out there... but once you have a blog, you may get my meaning.
Heather Out. (I got this from something this amazing girl sent me from her sister)
So here I am, getting back on the horse. I know exactly how it happened that I became this lier, non-blogger. I can explain it to you all so you can be sure that it doesn't happen to you...
It is very similar situation to a long distance relationship (LDR) going south. (as those of you who know me can attest, this is an area I know something about)
First, in the LDR, things are great on the communication front. The phone call is all you have, so you start to tell each other every little thing that happens in each others' day. Much like the beginning of the blog, it is so new that any little thing that pops into your head has to be communicated, for instance, love for lime jello. http://franklinkeller.blogspot.com/2007/05/procrastinating-or-relaxing.html
Next, the little daily routines start to seem too boring and so therefore not worth mentioning and wasting minutes. You no longer want to get on the phone with your long distance girlfriend (or boyfriend) and talk about how you went to the store today and bought, milk, eggs, and fabric softener. This is exactly how the blog starts to die. You begin to think that the little things you think about blogging about aren't quite as brilliant as your previously brilliant posts and so they are boring and not worth mentioning. These are all huge mistakes because the little things are what makes the world go 'round.
Intimacy, in a LDR, is made up of the little things about your day that you communicate to one another. If you were in the same city, in front of each other, you would say "hey i went to the store and got some stuff - it was really crowded and this lady held up the line by buying 5 cartons of unfiltered Pall Malls." But this little story somehow escapes you as unimportant in an LDR. You start to think of the phone calls as the lifeline of the relationship and therefore the calls should be intense connected and professing all sorts of love. Which is exactly the wrong way to think about it, much like writing the blog, when it is wrong to sit down and think about having to write something brilliant. That is a surefire way to get writer's block - or in the case of an LDR - intimacy block.
Eventually you come to this place where you dread the call. You answer the phone and barely can muster the excitement for a simple "hey". You are stuck now, on the call from hell, that goes something like this...
Me: "how was your day?"
Ex-LDR: "fine. How was your day?"
Me: "fine."
:::7 minutes of silence passes::::::
Me: "so what are you doing tonight?"
Ex-LDR: "nothing."
Me: "got anything planned for tomorrow?"
Ex-LDR: "work, same as any other day."
::::::3 more minutes of silence pass::::::::::
Ex-LDR: "did you study?"
Me: "no. not yet."
Ex-LRD: "ok. i will let you go do that then. talk to you later."
Me: "talk to you later."
:::::::fade out::::::::::::::
If you are wondering about the analogy to the blog... it goes something like this...
"i know i haven't written on this blog in awhile, I have lots to say i think. I will write more later when I have time." Then no posts appear for 2 months.
So now that I know what the problem is... I am going to just start writing down every little thing that pops into my mind. I've got to keep the intimacy alive. Another reason for this lesson in "how the blog goes bad" is that I am now in a new relationship. An LDR. Again. Yes, I know. Really. Further away than the last one. I don't want to hear any more flack from anyone. She is so amazing! Completely amazing. I have never clicked with anyone so much in my life.
I mention the LDR because I find myself wanting to creep into the old answers to the question "what are you doing?" Yesterday, I said "nothing." AHHH! no. I can't let that happen. The truth is never "nothing." The correct answer to "what are you doing?" is "I am procrastinating from doing anything resembling schoolwork by watching reruns online of many tv shows. many many tv shows. I also ate 5 slices of pizza, drank 2 liters of diet coke, and played with my cats by running back and forth down my hallway with a q-tip tied to 3 feet of dental floss."
So this is my mantra... it's all about the little stuff. seriously. it's tough. it may sound easy to you amateurs out there... but once you have a blog, you may get my meaning.
Heather Out. (I got this from something this amazing girl sent me from her sister)
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