Back on Long Island...

So I am back in my old place, up to my old tricks. Im staying up all night and sleeping all day. All the while Im watching TV and getting nothing done. Tomorrow I have to wake early and get on a regular schedule.

I miss X and my cats. I miss X but the thought of being in a relationship sends me into a serious state of anxiety. I feel like it is impossible fo rme to have a relationship right now.

My body is reacting with anxiety because we aren't a good fit anymore. Breaking up with L in June was really hard. I don't think I realized just how difficult it was going to be, to have this totally broken up relationship, and then talk to X about shit that happened 6 years ago. Yeah 6. I don't need any of this serious emotional baggage crap.

Everything with X is so intense that I can't handle it. It's impossible to just mess around. I can't even do the friends with benefits thing anymore because I have an anxiety attack if I try.

I could do the casual sleep around thing. But I think I've sewn those wild oats long ago. I'm so over that.

I also can't get over that my apartment doesn't smell like me yet. My home isn't my castle yet. Those people who lived here before didn't stink, they were just different in the "my pheromones and your pheromones don't mix" kind of way.

I instantly dislike people who have pheromones that don't agree with me. It's usually very subtle and I don't know why I dislike them. But it's the pheromones.

That's why I don't understand that pheromone enhancing crap they sell. If it actually worked, why would you want to strengthen your pheromones? You certainly wouldn't do that at the office. Personality conflicts abound. People wear that stuff out to clubs. It's ridiculous. It's just another way of saying I want sex right now. Perfect for the meat market that is the bar. But if you aren't looking for a one-night stand why would you use it? Because you are an idiot.

I am copying this to my other blog because I feel like posting twice. whatever! I do what i want