The danger of having no ashtray...

Last semester sometime when studying for my first round of exams, I was a very pressed for time. I had zero. Everything was stacking up, especially the laundry. While wearing my last clean pair of underwear and a pair of jeans that I'd worn 4 times in a row, I was about to take a shower when I had an idea. I thought it would be a great time saver if I just jumped in the shower with all my clothes on and then washed my clothes before washing myself. Well that was a really bad idea. Because of the humidity my jeans didn't dry for 2 days. I actually wasted more time.

X has a saying. One which she used after I relayed my failed laundry idea. "Some people shouldn't live alone."

Well this saying occurred to me just no as I picked up a half full can of diet coke to take a drink. I left my only ashtray in Maryland. I refuse to buy another because I'd really like to quit smoking someday. This is why I started using my diet coke cans as ashtrays. I have one can as an ashtray and one can that I'm drinking.

Well I got them confused.

Some people shouldn't live alone.

Back on Long Island...

So I am back in my old place, up to my old tricks. Im staying up all night and sleeping all day. All the while Im watching TV and getting nothing done. Tomorrow I have to wake early and get on a regular schedule.

I miss X and my cats. I miss X but the thought of being in a relationship sends me into a serious state of anxiety. I feel like it is impossible fo rme to have a relationship right now.

My body is reacting with anxiety because we aren't a good fit anymore. Breaking up with L in June was really hard. I don't think I realized just how difficult it was going to be, to have this totally broken up relationship, and then talk to X about shit that happened 6 years ago. Yeah 6. I don't need any of this serious emotional baggage crap.

Everything with X is so intense that I can't handle it. It's impossible to just mess around. I can't even do the friends with benefits thing anymore because I have an anxiety attack if I try.

I could do the casual sleep around thing. But I think I've sewn those wild oats long ago. I'm so over that.

I also can't get over that my apartment doesn't smell like me yet. My home isn't my castle yet. Those people who lived here before didn't stink, they were just different in the "my pheromones and your pheromones don't mix" kind of way.

I instantly dislike people who have pheromones that don't agree with me. It's usually very subtle and I don't know why I dislike them. But it's the pheromones.

That's why I don't understand that pheromone enhancing crap they sell. If it actually worked, why would you want to strengthen your pheromones? You certainly wouldn't do that at the office. Personality conflicts abound. People wear that stuff out to clubs. It's ridiculous. It's just another way of saying I want sex right now. Perfect for the meat market that is the bar. But if you aren't looking for a one-night stand why would you use it? Because you are an idiot.

I am copying this to my other blog because I feel like posting twice. whatever! I do what i want

another thing i didn't finish... the last post

I am moving back onto Long Island today. I left Maryland at 4:00am. I arrived at 10am. Finally back in my own place, but it doesn't feel like my place. It smells like the sublettors. It doesn't smell bad, it's just not me. I had no sleep. I tried to sleep when I got here but i woke up a few hours later. My allergies are driving me nuts. I feel like poo

The apartment feels really empty without my cats. I left them with X for a little while. It was easier to move. I might move into a smaller place to budget my money better, so it'll be easier to move into a smaller place and bring the cats later.

My brain doesn't work well when I'm tired.

taking stock

I am at Virginia Beach, or is it "in" Virginia Beach? I am in the area. I am not on the actual beach right now. Hmmm...

My summer is coming to an end. I need to take a minute here and take stock of what I have accomplished this summer:

Number of cigarettes smoked: 840, give or take
Number of alcoholic beverages drank: 16

Number of books read: 2
Number of books I started but didn't finish: 6

Number of times I have tried to diagnose someone I know with a mental illness: 9
Number of people I told that they have a mental illness: 0

Number of times I cried: 5
Number of times that I only cried because I was trying to quit smoking and was therefore much too emotional: 3

Number of times I said "I love my job": too many to count

Number of short-lived crushes: 4

Number of times I felt like I made a complete ass out of myself: too many to count
Number of times I actually made an ass out of myself: probably far less than i think

I will finish this in a little while...

The internet here is screwy