The Dip Weakness...

I have this chips and dip recipe that I make all the time lately. It is the yummiest. It tastes about a thousand times better than it looks. Why do I make this dip? I won't even cook dinner for myself, but I will whip up this dip in 5 minutes and then chow down. That was my dinner - the dip.

In case there are other people reading this blog who would like to know the dip intimately... here is the recipe:

2 packages cream cheese.
16 oz. of salsa (preferably Pace)
1 chopped tomato
1 bunch of scallions (just the white part - not the green)
1 package of shredded cheddar cheese.

Mix the cream cheese, salsa, toms, and scallions with a hand mixer in a bowl. Top with the cheese. Put in the refrigerator 30 min.

Eat with tortilla chips.

No wonder my "real age" is 30. I went to www.realage.com. apparently I am 30. WTF? My birth certificate says I turn 27 in October. I guess the geniuses behind the real age know better.

I think it is from smoking and eating dip for dinner.

there are some vegetables in it though.

I feel like some blog posts are better than others. I would rate this at the bottom. All the things I can talk about and I talk about Dip.

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Ok I will now move on to topics with more depth...

I love my family. I really do. But I am happy that I will spend the next 9 months in New York, far away from them.

There is quality time, and then there is time suckage. This past weekend was ok because I got to see my mom and spend quality time. I got to see my nephew "D".

I had ample amounts of time to figure out how to solve the rubik's cube. A guy had one at work and I became obsessed. Now I can solve it in 4 minutes. I am hoping to get that time down to under a minute before I drop this hobby.

Between visiting mom, step-dad, and "D" - I went to see my step-sis in the hospital. I need a pseudonym here and I just can't think of one that fits quite yet.

My sis (she is a step-sis, but I generally say sis for ease of conversation and so that people won't be reminded of the wicked step-sisters in Cinderella, although the comparison might not be far off) is in the psych ward because she is getting ECT electroshock therapy. She is getting this because none of her medications for depression have been working and she is severly depressed. It was pretty severe. I went to see her and she seemed so much better. She was expressing some emotion and she was able to smile sincerely in conversation. The weird thing was that she never blinked the whole time. Her eyes were bugging out of her head. [now you know why my family doesn't get my blog address]

It is this really, really weird thing to deal with. People at worked asked me abotu my weekend and I told them I went to visit my sis in the hospital. They said "is she ok", as people do in polite society. Being the "share-too-much in all honesty" type I said she is ok, she is just getting electro-shock therapy. And then one of two things happen...

1. They seem shocked and then they have a concerned and understanding look on their faces. Then they say - I didn't realize they still performed those.

2. They think I might be kidding (because I say all my jokes deadpan). So they half smile. And then I tell them how she didn't blink. And then it brings on full laughter. And then I say how she is doing much better and she is interacting with her kid better. Suddenly they fall quiet. They realize I am not kidding. They wonder if it was ok to laugh. They realize it is ok to laugh and then they laugh again nervously.

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I have an extensive knowledge of depression - all self taught, which is possible despite what rich elitists will tell you.

I have first-hand experience as well. I know what that noonday demon feels like. I know how the numbness can be excruciating. When I read Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar I felt as though I seeing myself represented for the first time.

I say all this because - I just don't feel like this is my sis's problem. I just don't believe her. I know that sounds horrible. But doctors are wrong A LOT. Especially psychiatrists and other mental health professionals.

What is obvious to me is that her depression is a manifestation of her borderline personality disorder. I don't understand how a trained professional can't see that.

I say nothing to my sis, because I think that the ECT is working (for now). I was the one who told her she should get it. She said she was severely depressed. When someone is suicidal I think ECT is a very smart option. pills take weeks to work. pills can also help a depressed person become very active and get out of bed and not help them feel mentally better for another 3 weeks or more. Someone who is bedridden with severe depression will be able to get out of bed and have enough momentum to kill themselves. ECT shows results immediately.

Anyway, the point is that I am trying to figure out on what level this is affecting me. This sis in the hospital thing. I worry for her. I worry about myself being around too many mentally ill people. I wonder what will happen when she gets to leave the hospital.